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We've been on vacation for the past week. It was really refreshing and healing.

We went up to our Aunt's cabin on the Muskegon River. It was so relaxed. No schedule. Nothing to do but have fun.

I feel so refreshed and happy right now. I think a week away from home was good for all of us.

While we were there I only had one panic attack. Thats the least amount I've had in a one week span since this all started!! Woo-hoo!!

Ryleigh one night was playing with her friend and they were running around with magic wands casting spells and such and at one point her friend looked at her, waved his magic wand and said "Shazzam! You're dead!"

Ryleigh laughed and they continued to run around the house and as she ran past me she copied her friend and said to me "Shazzam! You're dead!" took about two steps and then froze.

She realized what she had said and just burst into tears. She came over and crawled on my lap just sobbing. She kept saying "I don't want you to die!! I would be so sad if you died!" I kept reassuring her that I was okay, that I'm healthy and such. In the past I probably would have told her that I won't be dying for a long time, but after our experience I wont say that because I have no clue when it will happen and she is very aware of this.

After about 10 minutes she was over it and back to playing like normal. But my heart, oh my heart. It aches. As a parent you want to protect your kids from the scary and sad stuff in life. Death is a natural part of life and I'll try to shelter my kids from too much detail, but now that they have seen me nearly die and people rushing to save my life I can't shelter them like I could before.  Thats hard.

I pray daily that God will help Jorden and I deal with everything properly and help them to grow and learn from it, not to be plagued by horrible memories the rest of their lives. So hard to know what to do as a parent to make sure you don't mess them up any more!!

Overall, vacation was awesome. But now I have just one week until I go back to work so I need to get myself ready!