Back At Work

So I have had a "graduated return" back to work. It felt kind of silly that I had to slowly reenter a job that I love so much!

I started out with one 4 hour shift a week ago last Friday. I went in and was excited to see everyone and it felt good to be back. But of course about 1/2 way in medics brought in a respiratory arrest.  Even though I knew it was coming and I knew it wasn't me and I was okay,  I still got kind of nervous.  It wasn't bad until the patients family got there. As soon as I saw them I felt the panic set it.

My heart started racing, my eyes filled with tears, I felt jittery...it was awful.

I'm normally the person that jumps right in and helps out in those type of settings, but seeing the family made me think about what my family felt like seeing me code. I had to shake that out of my head and work through it.

I was finally feeling normal and then they brought in a girl close to my age who had needed narcan to wake up from her overdose! I just had to laugh because I felt like I was getting pranked...how close can we get to Kristin's situation on her FIRST day back?! It was kind of overwhelming feeling.  But since it was just 4 hours I was out of there shortly after. I had a hard time sleeping that night, but the next day it felt awesome to be back!!

I worked all this weekend, Friday night I worked 6 hours, Saturday 8, Sunday 12.

It. Felt. Awesome.

Finally feels like I'm back in control of my life. I feel like I'm finally getting back into my rhythm and routine. It was a busy weekend, never once did I feel panicked, never once did I feel like I couldn't do my job. It was just a good weekend. My coworkers were so awesome and very supportive of me.

So here I go, I'm back at it and feeling good!!

I have one more shift this week and then next week I go back to full time!!

Finally!