A Month

In just one month I am scheduled to return to work.  I'm ready to see my coworkers and get back to it but I'm worried about what will happen if I have a panic attack at work.

I don't care if I have an attack in front of my coworkers, it's not that.

I'm more worried about what will happen if I walk into a room and find a patient coding, will I be able to jump into action, or will I freeze and panic?

I'd like to think that I'll jump right in and my training will kick in and then I'll melt down afterwards, but with how some of these panic attacks are hitting I just don't know.

And I hate that.

I hate that this experience is effecting my life in EVERY way. It makes me so angry because I feel like if the nurse who took care of me all day had actually done her flipping job and listened to my family I would NOT be having all these issues.

So now in then next 4 weeks I've got to get this figured out.